reliving new years 09

new year's came a lot quieter than it did last year. my new year, last year, started out with the WORST possible news....you're baby's condition is fatal and the prognosis is VERY poor, you'll likely spontaneously miscarry - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

continuing to retell my story it picks up on decemeber 29th. that was a monday and i remember it so easily because on sunday december 28th, 2009 - justin and i officially joined our church - first baptist church of trussville. i was sitting at home waiting for my mom, my sister, lori, and her two girls to come over and visit me!! while waiting i got a phone call from the nurse at UAB - she proceeded to tell me in the nicest way possible that my blood work came back 'abnormal' and i needed to come in ASAP for further testing. being panicked by the idea that something could potentially be wrong with my child - i hung up and immediately freaked out. i was crying hysterically when my mom and lori got there - since i didn't really know what was wrong - they were able to get me calm enough to call the nurse back and ask her what the results were of the blood work. she told me that my 'quad screen was positive for trisomy 18'....UM, I'M SORRY - I DON'T UNDERSTAND....WHAT IS THAT??? as i listened to the sorrow in this woman's voice my heart sank further. i hung up, called justin, and then did the worst thing ever - i googled it... the internet is a fascinatingly helpful resource, however it can cause laymen to think themselves doctors where they diagnosis and outcomes. needless to say, the 'all wise internet' said that indeed, trisomy 18 was incompatible with life and that IF maddie made it full term she likely wouldn't live much longer. i was FLOORED. this was not what i ordered, i did not ask for my baby to be 'sick' and die, um no - that must have been someone else. i wanted a healthy baby that had fat cheeks and fat thighs, that i could teach to be funny like me! ; ) (God, however, must have thought that the world had too much "loni humor" already!)

the very next day - that would be dec 30th (tuesday) my mom, dad, justin and myself made our way to the UAB complications clinic yet again to get further clarification on the "abnormality". we first met with christina barger, one of the genetic counselors, and she proceeded to explain to us what trisomy 18 was and how it happens (which it can occur numerous ways), and the prognosis of babies with t-18. sitting there trying to take it all in was unlike anything i had ever experienced. watching justin and mom and dad try to make sense of it all - hurt too. my daddy - smart man, but not by the world's standards - high school graduate and a coal miner - however, by my standards it makes my daddy one of the smartest, most knowledgeable men in the world. i'm the youngest by the way, the youngest of 3, but i'm his favorite (sorry lori and lacy, its true!!!) anyway, daddy sat there and asked christina "okay, so we do more testing today to confirm the diagnosis, and lets say it does come back 100% for trisomy 18, then what do we do?" (basically, he was wanting to know what treatment maddie or myself needed, where did he need to take me, what were the next steps). christina looked and him and said "i'm sorry, there is nothing more we can do. we wait and whenever the baby is born she'll likely only live a short time." it was like someone punched him in the face - he just rubbed his face and didn't say much more. i know that if she would have told him, "ok, mr. lamons, there's this new medicine in Australia that can fix this problem", daddy would have drained his savings to send me there to get that medicine, but there wasn't any magic cure...

we left christina's office and went for an amniocentesis and i SERIOUSLY doubt if i'll EVER endure that again - NO THANK YOU. the needle is about a foot long and about as thick as a pencil maybe a little smaller...they do an ultrasound to determine the position/location of the baby and then they stick you with the MEGA NEEDLE. (oh yeah, no numbing medicine either...) so they find maddie and then dr. tita begins to insert the needle. first through the skin - OUCH - not so pleasant, but wait for it - AH, now through the uterus - YEP - - HOLLLLLLYYYYY COOOWWWW - started having contractions. dr tita a foreigner with a heavy accent (middle eastern) says "ok mrs hodge you need to relax, relax your back. you can't tense up" HA easy for you doc- you're not having contractions with a knitting needle sticking out of your belly.....well clearly, maddie and i could communicate on a much deeper level and she understood her mommy was in PAIN - so she started kicking at the needle. immediately the doctor said we have to pull out cause she's getting too close and could hurt herself..so pull out is what he did - WITH NO FLUID.... yep they went back in a SECOND time - this time i had justin holding my hand and one of the techs pushing my belly up to keep maddie away....in through the skin, then through the uterus - UGGGHHHHH - then about 10 minutes later the doctor FINALLY has enough fluid to be done. NEVER AGAIN...I MEAN IT. after the pain and tears and making sure justin didn't pass out- the doctor explained that they would run a "rapid fish test" on the fluid to test the 13th, 15th, 18th, 21st, and the sex chromosomes. this would give us a definitive answer on the trisomy 18 - then the full panel of chromosomes would be completed in about 2 weeks.

the next day - new year's eve - justin had gone in to work, i was still at home (winter break) and one of my dear friends, toni, showed up at my house. she's one of my deaf coworkers, whom i adore!! she showed up and told me that i didn't need to be alone - so she came to keep me company. we went to eat at subway and just talked - all the while i was waiting for the phone call. we came back home and were watching tv when the phone rang - it was around 1:00p.m. i told her when i saw the number that it was UAB - she immediately put her head down and started praying. it was christina again on the phone. she said that the fish test came back and it was NOT trisomy 18- Praise the LORD - it was worse...WAIT- WORSE - UM NO, NOT HAPPENING. She said that according to the fish test all the chromosomes they tested had an extra - so that meant there were 3- 13's, 3- 15's, 3-18's, 3-21's, and 3 - X chromosomes... she continued to tell me that this was called Triploidy and instead of having 46 chromosomes, maddie had 69 and that the prognosis for this syndrome was "incompatible with life outside the womb" - i've come to hate that phrase! basically, she told me that i would probably miscarry at some time in the near future and that i would need to come back and see the doctor to figure out a game plan.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO US - what a way to end '08 and start '09...

dear justin and loni -

you're daughter is going to die.

happy new year
sincerely-
UAB